Forgiveness is Hard

There are pains in life that come from various origins. One thing that we all have in common is pain from those whom we consider close conspire against us. The closer that the person is to us, the greater usually is the sting. It was even prophesied in Psalm 41:9 that Jesus would deal with Judas, a friend who betrayed him. Often anger is our reaction. Depending on how deep the wound is, or how serious the ramifications are, dealing with pain and anger from personal betrayal is hard.

A couple of things before I turn to scripture. 1) Forgiveness is not saying that the offense wasn't really an offense. It doesn't mean that we must say that what the other party did was OK. 2) Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are to be a doormat and continue to or return to a position that will compromise you. 3) Forgiveness also doesn't mean forgetting. "Forgive and forget" sounds great if you live in a Wonderland, or if you erase memories at will. God can do that, but in our imperfection, we normally cannot.

Forgiveness is determining that you are going to act in a forgiving manner toward the party who injured you. Forgiveness means that you will forsake the prerogative to hold that person in a position of judgment or vengeance. Unforgiveness is something that keeps coming back, and we must keep killing it day by day, moment by moment if necessary, so that Satan does not get a foothold in our lives. This is something that we must war against.

Many scriptures line out principles related to forgiveness, but two stand out; one a warning, and the other a perspective. First, the warning. Matthew 6:14-15 says, "for if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." That should scare us who are warring against unforgiveness. That should scare those that don't war on it more. How many believers refuse to forgive? Think about that, meditate on that, act on that.

Secondly, we are told to forgive as Christ forgave us, Ephesians 4:31-32. If we truly understand our treason, our betrayal of the most glorious, most valuable treasure in the universe, and our exchange of him for idols, we would begin to comprehend our forgiveness. If we are exhorted and instructed to forgive as Christ forgave, even the deepest of hurts falls under that teaching.

I am preaching to myself today. Pray for me. Two things to leave you with:

A better blog post and teaching than mine: from Desiring God, here.

And a quote from Voddie Baucham that I found very convicting:

“If we refuse to forgive, we have stepped into dangerous waters. First, refusing to forgive is to put ourselves in the place of God, as though vengeance were our prerogative, not his. Second, unforgiveness says God’s wrath is insufficient. For the unbeliever, we are saying that an eternity in hell is not enough; they need our slap in the face or cold shoulder to “even the scales” of justice. For the believer, we are saying that Christ’s humiliation and death are not enough. In other words, we shake our fists at God and say, “Your standards may have been satisfied, but my standard is higher!” Finally, refusing to forgive is the highest form of arrogance. Here we stand forgiven. And as we bask in the forgiveness of a perfectly holy and righteous God, we turn to our brother and say, “My sins are forgivable, but yours are not.” In other words, we act as though the sins of others are too significant to forgive while simultaneously believing that ours are not significant enough to matter.”

My Heart Strangely Warmed

Many of you remember our situation a few months ago with our surprise ectopic pregnancy. If not, you can read about it here. And after than experience, Erika and I decided that we would have another baby. We had been kinda talking about it some anyway, and it seemed like a good time for it. And many of you shared our joy with us as we filled everyone in on the child that the Lord blessed us with, due in this spring.

Well today our hearts were broken again by the confirmation by the doctors of a miscarriage. Our hopes were so high, and they now seemed to be taken away. But we know that our lives, and children's lives (born and unborn) are in the hands of an All-Wise, All-Loving Master. And we seek refuge now in Him. For His Name is a strong and mighty tower, and His mercies are new every morning. He is our joy and sufficiency, and our portion forever. But of course, our pain is deep.

But as I reflect on it all, one blessing (well, actually several) stands out. We probably jumped the gun a little bit, making it public that we were pregnant. But we don't keep secrets well, and when you tell your 5-year old, everyone is going to know soon enough, so we didn't wait. And of course, it seems like that doubles the pain. BUT, that is the strange thing. Now, we don't have to hide our pain. It is so easy to try to hide what is going on inside for a myriad of reasons from the people whom God has given us to lean upon--His bride, the church. And because so many of you knew of our joy, and now our pain, the outpouring of support has been tremendous! We have been so blessed with so many friends, that even though we don't see much, still care very deeply for us. And it seems to have made the pain more bearable, and the burden lighter.

So I thank God for all of you who have called, emailed, texted, and facebooked (is that a word?) and voiced your concern for us. I doubly thank those of you who have taken the time to go to the throne of grace on our behalf, for we are in much debt to you. With the Apostle I hope that by grace we will be able to rejoice in our sufferings so that when we are weak, He is displayed as strong. For His grace is sufficient for us. And you have been used as a means to get us through. I am sure there will be more sad days ahead for us, but pray that God will gain glory as we endure them as good soldiers and witnesses of Christ. May God be honored by our lives through this situation. Thanks again, you labor for the Lord is not in vain!