Thinking You Are Just Fine

I went to a bible study last night taught by one of our elders. It was the first in the series of ten that Matt Chandler has done on Psalm 119. One of the topics drawn out of the first sixteen verses was the Christian being one of continual repentance. Repentance is a posture in which we live out our communion with Christ. A mindset or life that is lived under the knowledge that our feeble efforts are never enough, and even on our best days, serious faults surface is uncommon. We are fine just where we are.

My observation is that in church life down here in the south, we affirm regular repentance in theory, but pay it little more that lip service. Two examples that testify to its misunderstanding are 1) crushing convicting and true repentance if we commit a huge and terrible sin ONLY, and 2) tacking that phrase onto the end of our public prayers: "and forgive us of all of the many times we've failed you, in Jesus' name, Amen." True realization and heartbreak over deep sin leading to repentance, even though it may seem "minor," are rare for most of us. We are fine just where we are.

Sins of pride, anger, gluttony, rebellion, gossip, lust, lack of concern for others (both for our brothers and sisters and for the poor and needy) are glossed over in complacency. Improper motivation for why we do things, how we approach our ministry to our family, our church, and our community, apathy, greed, failure to love without which all is useless are not things that we bring up much, nor give much contemplation toward. Deep pleas for the Holy Spirit to search our hearts for discord with others, without which we are not to worship before clearing our offense. We are fine just where we are.

I have been reading a book that killed it this week. Words to Winners of Souls by Horatius Bonar includes a chapter about confession of sin. The first half of the chapter is extended excerpts from a intense confession from a group of Scottish ministers from 1651. It deals with lightness in conversation, to attitudes about ministry, to ease of which we find excuses, loving pleasure over loving God, trusting our own abilities, and attitudes toward our opponents. Those were just the title headings, paragraph after paragraph under all those headings. Eating me up. Very humbling.

If we are to grow in our conformity to Christ, the Holy Spirit will chisel away the rough edges of sin that surround the likeness to our Master. Cry out with David, "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" -Psalm 139:23-24. Listen carefully, think deeply, look beyond the surface, let the Spirit search your soul. Know that you are not fine. It is OK not to be fine. Run to Christ as you turn from that sin.

Personal and Parenting

God has been dealing with me about parenting lately. I have been feeling like I am not doing enough to lead my family to Christ for a long time, but only moderately convicted about it. Last week I felt like it was worse, and began to ask seriously introspective questions. Do my kids think that I think Christ is the awesomist (I realize this is not a word, just using the language that I would use to explain the concept to my kids) thing in the world? Do Erika and I communicate to them that the reason that we do most of what we do is because we love Christ? Is this really the case? Do I do what I do because I think Christ is the awesomist!

Then our Sunday School teacher was teaching this week on our union with Christ and how that crosses into many sphere's of our lives. And he was asking if we as parents are leading our kids to have a personal walk with Christ, and not only a corporate walk, and a family walk with Him? Wow! God just really convicted me that because I have really good, easy going, relatively obedient, and well-behaved children, that I am lax on my intentional efforts to ensure that my kids know Christ as the most worthy and valuable being in the universe, and long to be with Him, serve Him, and lay down their lives for Him.

And I know that if I fail at this (I realize theologically that my children's eternity does not rest entirely on me, but that I have enormous responsibilities to be faithful and diligent in this area, and God will use that in conversion), I will let down generations of my offspring and thousands more souls that they will affect, should the Lord tarry. I do not want to look back at my life in fifty years thinking that I had a great ministry, even raised great kids, but that their faith was not a sold-out, world-altering, sin-killing, generation-crossing passion for Jesus.

So I desire your prayers as I try to put the emphasis on the most important things...