Saturday, March 7, 2009

He Gives and Takes Away, Blessed Be His Name

The last couple of days for Erika and I have been in the whirlwind, but I am ever confident that He leads us all the way. We constantly rejoice in His care and tender mercies, especially during times like these.

I have always told people who insist that birth control is not biblical (not a position that I hold-nor am I really interested in the debate at this point), that God is not thwarted by mere human plans (Prov 16:9, 33). And that if God wants you to have a baby, you can't stop Him. I am pretty sure that is the biblical witness (Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth, Mary, etc.). But last Friday, we experienced that. It's always an interesting experience when theory becomes reality. Erika had been having abdominal pain for a few days, so she scheduled an appointment. The nurse realized that Erika was dumbfounded when a test came back positive for a pregnancy. Then things were complicated by the news that it looked like it was an ectopic pregnancy.

So after a day and a half of shock about a baby coming, and worry about what might be, Erika has major pain at 2 am. And since we hadn't told anyone, we were calling people at 2 am last Sunday to come and hang out at our house while we go to the ER. After lots of Demerol, tests, scans, ultrasounds, we were told that she had miscarried, but that it was hard to tell. And we found out later that it wasn't exactly the case. We got out of the hospital, and began to process the whole weekend, just to be told on Wed that her hormone levels were going back up, instead of down like they should be if she miscarried, AND there was still a spot on the ultrasound in her right ovary/tube. So off on the roller coaster again...

To shorten a lengthening story, her levels have begun to drop again, and she is still having some pain, and discomfort due to a miscarriage, and we are doing much better (in spite of the head cold that she picked up at the hospital). And so now we are asking the questions that people in our situation ask...

We felt really guilt about being so shocked to be pregnant, and not being excited. We felt worried about Erika's well-being with an ectopic pregnancy. We felt heartbroken that a miscarriage happened and lost a baby that we were just beginning to look forward to. Then we felt guilty about being glad that it was a miscarriage and not a ruptured tube, and that we didn't have to make life vs. life decisions. And to top it all off, we don't have any real answers from the doctors. And everybody (including us) believes there should be some answers. And lots of people are asking questions, and so we are telling the story over and over, which is a little we have laughed nervously, cried, ached, hurt, rejoiced, and been overwhelmed and confused, all in a weekend.

But we know that we serve the God of all comfort, and He has been there for us. And His people have been a true source of comfort as well (especially our church, God has truly ministered through you to us, and used this to knit our hearts closer together). The riches of His grace have truly been sufficient. We have proven Him again to be the highest and best of all beings! We know that He works all things out to His good and His glory, and we rest that in the fact that these momentary, light afflictions are working for us an eternal weight of glory. And even though we are still processing everything, and may never have all the answers that we desire, we know that God will use this in our lives to testify to his matchless sufficiency. And we will look back upon this time and see His hand at work in us to will and do His good pleasure.

I will probably share some more later, but please keep remembering us in prayer. Pray that God will be glorified in this and through us; that He will allow the eyes of our understanding being enlightened; that we may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power; that the physical aspect of this trial will soon come to an end; that I would minister to my wife in a Christ-like fashion, laying down my life for her in His strength; that our marriage would be strengthened; and that we would have wisdom as to where to go from here.

For now we know about what Job knew, "...The Lord gave, and He has taken away; Blessed be the Name of the Lord." (we will skip the shaving heads part) And tomorrow, as today, we will worship Him! God has used many, but Matt Papa's song No One Else, has been a rock of truth for me from God, so I'll share--

God, You are My God
I seek Your face
With all my heart, soul, mind, and strength

Sovereign God,
My Abba, Father
I will trust in You Forever

Jesus, Master,
I will follow You
You shed Your blood for me

Everlasting, Sovereign God
You are my desire
There is no one else for me
Jesus, Savior, Risen One
You set my soul on fire
There's no turning back for me

Faithful God, my dearest friend
You have my heart, come take my hand
And walk with me, O how I need
Your touch, Your face is all I seek

How could I ever cease to sing
Of the praises of my God and King
You are all to me, my everything
Now for You, Lord, I'll live
I'll bring my sacrifice of praise to You
Lord, it's all of me, my life unto
The Living God, You shed Your blood
Upon the cross, now everything is loss
Compared to knowing You
My Savior, what else can I do, but
Follow You for all my days, my
Lips will never cease to sing Your
Praise Him sun and moon and stars
Praise Him all ye sons of God!
Praise Him angels, fire, and wind,
And all creation and all men!
Praise Him in the sanctuary!
Praise Him for His mighty deeds!
Praise the Lord with song and dancing
Praise the Lord, O my soul praise Him!

1 comment:

  1. Jason, This was beautiful! We see now as though through a glass darkly but then we weill see Him face to face! So true that afflictions bring us clinging to our Rock, Jesus Christ. How are you both doing now?

    I know this is so late, I really don't take the time to really know how to travel through this maze. Now, I'm still tring to get yor 2 sermons 4/5 and 4/12. I'll look on church website.

    I love you both, Judy